"It's too hard to focus through all this doubt"

So it was Labor Day yesterday. No class for students and no work for certain occupations. I am unfortunately not in one of those occupations. I originally had the day off but picked up a morning expo shift not realizing it was going to be way busier than a normal Monday morning. Seventy two hundred dollars in sales and eighty bucks in cash later I arrive home exhausted from work yet eagerly awaiting soccer in an hour. So eagerly in fact that I believe I started to give myself an anxiety attack and really felt nauseous. That feeling lingered all the way throughout soccer where I felt moments away from vomiting on the pitch numerous times.

My unmotivated state of being has brought me to the conclusion that I am living too many lives. I have to play the big brother, the drinker, the smoker, the athlete, the good son, the 'bad' son, the nuke student, and the food service employee. I feel as though nobody knows all of them so therefore its as if I am lying to each person by not revealing my true self. Even if I were trying to be honest and upfront about describing myself, I wouldn't know where to begin. I have this stinging fear of being unable to open up to another human being and I think that I've purposefully avoided circumstances in which such a case may have presented itself.