"So that's how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone."

[Disclaimer: This entire post has the potential to be somewhat incorrect. This is my venting medium.]

If you believe there to be a problem between yourself and another person, what is the appropriate action to take?

If someone has a problem with me, I really wish they would confront me about it. I do not believe that anything I have said or done warrants being viewed in any sort of bad light and I have gone out of my way to try not to make anyone have a problem with me. I have kept others' best interests ahead of my own to the point of complete isolation. In trying to do what was I thought was best, I believe I was thrown under the bus; the kindness of my reformed state taken advantage of yet again.

These past few months, or even expanded to this whole calendar year, have been more mentally, physically and emotionally taxing than any other period in my life. Currently only one of these is being treated by a physician, while the other two could each end up having their own specialists by year's end. I've gone through many strange, interesting and even horrible experiences that are sometimes best dealt with by simply being able to talk them out with someone who understands. By having the 'truth' skewed (to my own degradation) I was limited in dealing with my issues because I was unable to speak the truth about them. This may have assisted the already underway process of driving me to the brink of insanity.

To get to my point: I may be wrongfully accused in a certain situation.
I understand that I may be completely mistaken on the idea that the accusation was wrong and/or that I am even being accused of anything. It is my guess, however, that I am not mistaken on either count and rather that I am upset at being accused of anything involving misconduct of my character in any way. In wrongfully taking blame to allow another to save face, I have become the bad guy to everyone's eyes. While trying to be a hero to someone I cared about, I became the enemy to others.

Was it worth it?
I was one-hundred percent sure that it was not only worth it, but the right thing to do at the time. I would be judged only by those people too closed minded to want the truth. The ones who gladly accept whatever they are told from a "credible" source without the desire to seek out the truth for themselves. Lost souls searching for meaning they can understand, I pity them.

• It was the right thing to do to allow degradation to my own character in order to prevent the same fate from happening to someone with more to lose.

• It was the right thing to do to spare people deserving of my pity/help any pain I am able to prevent, by allowing myself to be a scapegoat.

Aiding those people by allowing them to think poorly of me has taken its toll, however, as I am forced to live a lie. My outlets for being able to discuss anything are limited due to an array mutual friends lacking the knack to keep secrets. My immediate desire to deal with the situation was deflected continually, with short instances of contact (with an air of what I perceived to be gratitude) sprinkled intermittently.Demonstrations that doing the right thing is appreciated serve as a reminder that helping those less fortunate is indeed worth it.

Therefore, until quite recently, it was worth it.
Now however, I believe I am being degraded in a rather "pot calling the kettle black" sort of manner. I have been forced into an outcast social role by preventing ridicule to another (while taking it myself), merely to be publicly ridiculed by that same person for acting in said social role.
"If only you knew half as much as you pretend to", or if you at least try to find out the truth before making accusations, I would have still thought it worthwhile to help all those less fortunate.

Actions such as these chill my spine, and my heart grows slightly colder. I believe ever more firmly that a growing number of the population does not deserve the common courtesy or respect of everyday interaction, let alone the aid of those willing and able to give a little extra.

Some people hardly deserve pity, why should they deserve help?
Despite one's flaws, can you blame the actions of ignorance?

The masses of this world are so plugged into their mob mentality that they are unable to view the real world outside of the "world" created for them by their peers. If only to try to better mankind as a whole, such situations should not let be forgotten.



What's in my head:
"We're catching bullets with our heads and hearts and all the darkest parts of us, it's strange to find such light in such endless night."